Our family is over the moon to announce that we are welcoming another baby into our world. Only child expiring October 2017!
Truth be told until Fall of this past year, I never thought we would grow our family. When we were married we planned on 2 or 3 kids. Then life gave us our Finnegan. He came in and rocked our world with Autism. I have learned and grown more as a human through Finnegan’s 5 years than in the other 27 years before him combined. After the realization of his diagnosis we decided our lot in life was to be parents of one. Our perfect, special and amazing one.
But then something happened. Over these past 2 years, Finnegan has blossomed. He continues to show us day in and day out that he’s okay. He’s more than okay. He’s brilliant. He’s verbal, social, has empathy, is socially aware and conscious of the world around him. He has a wicked sense of humor, and can tell a whopper of a lie. These aren’t traits and skills that everyone on the Spectrum develops and therefore aren’t traits we knew for sure Finn would develop; so we planned our futures around his potential needs. Now, our little man, who we once thought may need us to care for him through adulthood, wondered if he could ever go to college, fall in love, hold a job, or drive a car, has shown us the answer to those lingering questions. He has turned a corner these past 2 years and shown us, he can and he will do all of these things; and he won’t need us. Well not any more than his typical peers need their parents. To be clear, if he did need all of those things from us we would have happily lived that life and sure it would have been scary at times, but would have been a full and beautiful life regardless. Finnegan just made it clear that’s not his path. He has made it clear to us that it’s time to plan for a different reality. One where he grows up, moves on and has a life completely independent of us. With this new reality becoming ever more clear it was time to allow myself to accept that it was okay not to be scared anymore. That it was okay to consider growing our family. That Finn would be okay.
Once I did this. Allowed the desire to have a baby emerge; a desire I had locked away when Finn was one year old and never allowed back out, it bubbled over and consumed me. I had let go of the fear of adding to our tribe, and mostly the fear of maybe having another little one with Autism. And once I let go of it all, and accepted that what will be, will be. I moved forward with hope and with faith and clarity that our family wasn’t finished growing. Now it was time to tell my husband that I wanted to try for another.
His response was surprisingly: “No. I’m just not there anymore. I’ll consider the idea but, I’m happy just us three”. I was truly shocked. I had no clue he had closed that door. I thought I was the only one that needed convincing. It was always me saying no… not him. Truth be told, I felt crushed. But I had to respect it. I had been the one who for 5 years said no, and he honored that. He never pushed me or made me feel like I had let him down. He just honored it. Now it was my turn to honor his own wishes. I had my one, my perfect one, and that was enough. But as fate would have it, within days my husband found himself in an important role. Comforting a sibling who was going through an incredibly difficult time. Matthew’s Mom said to him, “imagine if they didn’t have you. They don’t want to talk to me, they need you”. The heavy reality that Finnegan wouldn’t have that choice, there would be no sibling to call, it opened his closed door. After some time of reflection he surprised me with his decision. “Okay babes (placing a hand on my then empty tummy) lets try”.
Next step, making a baby! Conceiving was much trickier this second time around. While it only took four official months to be successful, it was seven cycles. My body went haywire once we started our efforts. Therefore we kept those efforts totally secret. Everyone in our world knew I didn’t want a baby, so I kept them thinking that. I didn’t want to reveal that I’d changed my mind, in case I couldn’t conceive, a weird form of self preservation I suppose. Planning for the worst, hoping for the best. After the 7th cycle, no conception, and seemingly no end in sight to my irregularity I spoke with my OB about the way my body was responding. He said we may need to consider intervention to help my ovulation get on track. Little did we know, during that very appointment, our little gummy bear was already growing, 2 weeks along to be exact. Two weeks later I would discover a missed cycle, and here we are. With one full belly and 3 fuller hearts!
OH… and by the way, we had some blood work done. That blood work determined lots of things, one of which being gender. A reveal party was done last week. So we know exactly what color gummy bear I’m cooking even though I am only 14 weeks…
PINK!!! Think I’m excited or what!?
We are truly out of our minds thrilled to be welcoming a little GIRL. No one is more thrilled than Finnegan. When we told him I was pregnant, he whispered to my tummy “I want you to be a sister, okay”? …and yes I melted into a puddle on the floor when he did that. Cutest thing ever. He is going to be an incredible big brother. I cannot wait to watch their love. We all love baby girl so much already and she has three sets of very open arms anxious to hold her! We have already named her, and it is killing me not to say it right now haha… but you don’t get to know it, just yet.
Beautiful beach pictures done by Molly. Incredible sign made by the talented Salted words. Reveal photos taken by my wonderful father in law. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to all who were a part of helping us share this exciting news!